So a lot of people have been asking me lately how I feel about my time winding down here. Quite frankly the answer is it sucks. The last 4 months have been awesome and I'm going to miss being here a lot. However I've come to realize that leaving is pretty much inevitable and that sooner or later I am going to have to say goodbye. I also have to remind myself that as much as I want to believe or as much as the kids want it to be I am not their actual parent and eventually we will have to part ways. A lot of what keeps me happy these days is the possibility that some of the kids I love are being adopted. Knowing that they could have a real family is a great feeling.
It's not necessarily knowing that I'll miss them that makes me sad to leave. It's me knowing that no matter how hard I've tried to work with the other house moms and the director that as soon as I leave all their bad habits will come back. They won't use the discipline charts with the reward/punishment system that I put in place, they'll start punishing the kids as a group again (2 kids do something bad everyone gets punished), they won't be able to figure out how to let the kids use a computer to keep in contact with me, and they won't give the kids the affection and attention they need. That's what really makes me sad. And yes those last couple of days in the orphanage are going to be really hard.
Overall I would say that I've learned a lot. These past years I've been able to live outside of my suburbian fantasy life and see how life really is. It's definitely changed me and how I perceive the world and other people. Sure it's made me more cynical but overall I feel its made me a much better person. I've learned more these past couple years than I could ever hope to write on this blog.
The other week I had a friend of mine tell me that I inspired him to sign up for the Peace Corp, and that's what its all about. I came here to Peru hoping to positively change lives and I know I did. I know there's at least 30 kids out there who now have at least some idea of what a parent/father can be, and I hope that when they grow up and have kids of their own that they won't abandon or abuse them like their own parents did, but they'll love them, they'll teach them right from wrong, they'll fight for them just like I did even if it was just for a short while. And that, that is what makes me happy.
